Thursday, May 28, 2015

Loneliness

I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. What can I say, there was nothing else to do. There was a widow on the show who had given all of her money to man she 'loved.' The strange thing was, she had never met him before,  had never seen him in person, only talked to him via internet 'chat.'

She sent him thousands and thousands of dollars. She didn't seem like a particularly unstable person. Just a very LONELY widow.

I felt for her as her daughter kept telling her that this man did not exist. He is a scam artist. A fraud. The woman did not seem to care that the man was scamming her. The man filled the hole in her life that no one else was filling.

I watched another show not long before this one which was the same scenario only it was a widowed man who was being scammed.

I thought to myself  "Are we as widows and widowers really this lonely?"

I have friends adjusting to widowhood by staying so busy everyday they don't have time to think. Could that be the answer?  Stay so busy that you don't know if you are lonely or not? It's worked out well for them; but for me, it's only a temporary fix. When all my friends go home for the day, and I am left alone again, I'm still missing my one and only.

I also have other friends whose schedules are not  so filled with lunch dates and movies and clubs and they too are adjusting very well to widowhood. They have worked through their grief with the help of a community of widowed friends.

I think loneliness sets in over time and when we begin to feel we are the only one who experiences grief in the unique way we experience it and that there is no one in our circle of friends or family who can relate to us.  No one who really feels deep down what we feel and has experienced our unique type of loss.

I don't thinks it's necessarily the absence of the feeling that someone cares. We can be in a room full of people who really do care for us, and still be lonely. It's the absence of having a person who knows how we feel.

As you can tell, I'm not psychologist, or even a deep thinking person, AH HA! I know you could sense that!

I believe that we need a sense of belonging to a community of women who feel what we feel and who have had the same hurt we have.

It's great to have people who care. It's better to have people who have been through what we have been through and survived. To have women in our lives who can encourage us to keep moving forward in our quest for contentment in whatever state we are in.

If you are wondering where to begin, here are few resources I have used that have been helpful to me:


widowschristianplace.com
griefshare.org
anewseason.net

If you like to read blogs, widowschristianplace.com has a blog roll of great blogs! I pray you will be blessed, as I have been.


The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles,
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.
Psalm 34:17-18


2 comments:

  1. I am a little over 30 months into widowhood and lately have felt more lonely, been thinking more about what is my purpose, and just plain old feeling somewhat lost.

    Physically, I don't really have a widow friend to hang out with. I've made widow friends online but we're separated by miles and miles.

    Jesus is my strength each and every day, without Him I'd be totally lost.

    I recently lost my job that I've had for the past 17 years, due to boss retiring, so that now I'm home more than I was, and I 'worry' about finances. My bad I know! I just read another reminder in a devotional this morning, about NOT worrying, God is taking care of everything, and that helped get my thoughts on the right track.

    I pray that we both will feel God's presence filling up our loneliness.

    Love, hugs and prayers ~ FlowerLady

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  2. Oh, FlowerLady Lorraine, I am so sorry you lost your job. It does help so much to have that something that pushes you forward each day and makes you get up in the morning even when you don't feel like it.

    I know after coming to take care of my mother I have filled a lot of that loneliness gap in my life. Maybe it's just because sometimes I'm just too tired to be lonely! ha. But seriously, taking care of her has given me a purpose. A reason to get up and moving when I don't necessarily feel like it.

    Would you be interested in volunteering at Hospice or a hospital? I thought about it before but I was afraid it would bring back too many memories. I know widows who do it and get a lot of fulfillment from it.

    It's odd how long the loneliness stays with you. I thought I would be past it by now.

    As the Lord watches over the Lilly's of the field and the birds in the air, so will he watch over us.

    I pray the Lord will be with you and comfort you and fill you with joy everlasting!

    Love and Blessings to You

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