I was watching Dr. Phil the other day. What can I say, there was nothing else to do. There was a widow on the show who had given all of her money to man she 'loved.' The strange thing was, she had never met him before, had never seen him in person, only talked to him via internet 'chat.'
She sent him thousands and thousands of dollars. She didn't seem like a particularly unstable person. Just a very LONELY widow.
I felt for her as her daughter kept telling her that this man did not exist. He is a scam artist. A fraud. The woman did not seem to care that the man was scamming her. The man filled the hole in her life that no one else was filling.
I watched another show not long before this one which was the same scenario only it was a widowed man who was being scammed.
I thought to myself "Are we as widows and widowers really this lonely?"
I have friends adjusting to widowhood by staying so busy everyday they don't have time to think. Could that be the answer? Stay so busy that you don't know if you are lonely or not? It's worked out well for them; but for me, it's only a temporary fix. When all my friends go home for the day, and I am left alone again, I'm still missing my one and only.
I also have other friends whose schedules are not so filled with lunch dates and movies and clubs and they too are adjusting very well to widowhood. They have worked through their grief with the help of a community of widowed friends.
I think loneliness sets in over time and when we begin to feel we are the only one who experiences grief in the unique way we experience it and that there is no one in our circle of friends or family who can relate to us. No one who really feels deep down what we feel and has experienced our unique type of loss.
I don't thinks it's necessarily the absence of the feeling that someone cares. We can be in a room full of people who really do care for us, and still be lonely. It's the absence of having a person who knows how we feel.
As you can tell, I'm not psychologist, or even a deep thinking person, AH HA! I know you could sense that!
I believe that we need a sense of belonging to a community of women who feel what we feel and who have had the same hurt we have.
It's great to have people who care. It's better to have people who have been through what we have been through and survived. To have women in our lives who can encourage us to keep moving forward in our quest for contentment in whatever state we are in.
If you are wondering where to begin, here are few resources I have used that have been helpful to me:
If you like to read blogs, widowschristianplace.com has a blog roll of great blogs! I pray you will be blessed, as I have been.
The righteous cry out, and the Lord hears them;
he delivers them from all their troubles,
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.